Finally. Like a bright orange sunrise.
It took a long journey to get to where I am today, and it is still nowhere near complete. In a strange way, it hasn’t even really, quite begun yet. I am happy with myself and my accomplishments. I do not compare mine to other people’s nor think petty things like I am not as far along as that person. Like what I used to do so long ago. I am content with the progress I have made, and finally see a good future waking on the horizon… like a bright orange sunrise. The old people taught me much, with there wrinkled hands and degenerate thoughts, or minds… The kids taught me about the strength in me that can be utilized daily, no matter your mood before work. Being a good child-care provider for such innocent little creatures is possible when it comes to their need for real, honest, loving nurture.***… The power in me to be resilient has birthed a new age of progress. All I ever needed was to enjoy life’s simplicities (like I always have) and not be distracted {from} amazing people, by putting all of my love in to one person who was not worth my while. I suppose I regret regretting it more than I do look back and feel I should have chosen more wisely. But there are reasons for why you do the things you do, reasons for why you feel certain ways. (Once you hit the sludge, it’s like a pattern learning how to climb back up from that rocky bottom.) What I always needed was to worry less, and have more confidence in my own abilities. I spent too much subconscious time, down on who I was… and then that someone who boosted it so high, then tore it back down— could only be like taking a dose of heroin. My goals, hopes, and dreams keep me going daily. ~Goals: My next goal is to learn the guitar so I can sing songs and write poetry to the music. Another goal is to start and graduate from UCSC with a degree in Anthropology. Then from there, I will take my hireable self to a place looking for eager learners and get a reasonable job to get me through my next goals. Another immediate goal is to help at the Works Gallery with starting up an OT community-based program. ~Hopes: happiness, fearless self-expression, and the lot! ~Dreams: Oh, the striking Possibilties!! I’ve never been low on goals, hopes, and dreams. But for a while I did not know how to grab them. I did not know how to cease my dreams and turn them in to reality!!~ I didn’t know because I was cought up in dreaming against the odds, and a life full of doubt and escapism. It is possible to escape and regret escape, and escape further… I always had my poetry though. Never a (grand or sore) memorable moment without it. Now there is a new moon rising, and I do not say that easily, but nor with fear.
2 years ago